Thursday, February 26, 2009

Thousand Words Thursday

This is a photo of me and my cousin ("Boots") taken about 16 years ago. The camera snapped this shot just as I was getting ready to take little Boots on a sit-n-spin ride.

Boots is A LOT younger than me and because of this I have many fond memories him growing up.

Boots (who gets his nickname due to the rainboots he wore for the first 3 years of his life) was one of the funniest little kids I have ever known. He often said and did the most hilarious things...

One time, while looking for videos at or local video store Boots encountered his first "little person". Boots must have been about 3 or 4 at the time and as he turned a corner in the store, he came head on with the manager (a little person) who was about as tall as Boots. Boots stopped dead in his track and shouted "WHOA...THAT GUY IS SO SHORT!!!"

I think the entire store those awkward moments you see in the movies where no one knows what to say or do. Then Boots just shrugs and stomps away in his little rainboots. a toddler and preschooler, Boots was always dressed up as some kind of ninja (with rainboots on). He loved ninjas and was always karate-chopping or head butting anyone within arms reach. Short little guy that he was, that meant that he often hit the groin area...It was quite hilarious (and painful) and he could literally made grown men cringe in fear just by entering a room...

Anyhow, even though Boots is my cousin, I have always thought of him like a little brother and when he turned 18 last week I was as shocked as I was excited for him.

I am so amazed at what an awesome person Boots has become... and I love that he and my kids have a close relationship despite their age differnce...
Aside from his habit of sitting on my dear Momo, Boots is one of my favorite people in the world...

Happy Belated Birthday Boots!

Cheaper Than Therapy

Sunday, February 22, 2009

My Faves

I just learned about a fun contest over on another blog called Barking Mad. Click HERE for more info.

Basically, the idea is for me to share my own favorite posts from my blog (which happens to be something I have wanted to do anyways) and in the process I could win a $250 Target Gift Card!

Anyhow, here are my absolutely favorite posts that I have written thus far. Some are funny, some are tear jerkers, and all of them give you a little insight into our weirdo lives.

Enjoy! Oh...and by the way...let me know what you think. I'd love to know which of these is YOUR favorite post!

1. Mom, What's a Sex Shop?
A glimpse into how we handle "sensitive" topics like sex, condoms and wet dreams

2. Mom, They Called Me An Atheist
When kids question religion...what would you do?

3. Did Mesopotamia Stink?
About a school project gone bad...real, real bad!

4. Like Funky Without the "F"
A homage to my little brother...the greatest 23 year old uncle in the world

5. Public Humiliation=Great Discipline
My take on always involves public humiliation!

6. Public Humiliation=Great Discipline Pt. 2
More words of wisdom on how to create future therapy issues for your children

7. I Heart Japanese Food"
Mouthwatering photos of some of my favorite foods

8. Cry, Cry Baby
A funny picture of Momo and some killer "Japanglish"

9. Uncle Do You Have A...
A little post about Momo's never ending quest for knowledge...about anatomy!

10. A Real Tear Jerker..
A sweet story that'll make all you big babies cry

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Poop the Baby Out

Momo: Mom...when you have a baby, do you like, poop the baby out?

Me: Ummmmm, you mean out of your butt?

Momo: where your poop comes out. (with a very serious look on her face) Someone told me that, but it just doesn't seem right.

Me: Yeah, well... you do not poop a baby out of your butt...a baby comes out of your vagina.

Momo: Like where your pee comes out?

Me: Not quite

Momo: Like the hole behind your tiny penis?

Me: (laughing hysterically) TINY PENIS?!? Wha..?!? (Then I figured out what she was talking about)

Once I regained my composure we were able to wrap Momo's mind around female anatomy and childbirth. As always, it was a fun conversation. I was glad that at least Momo wasn't deluded enough to think that a baby comes from a stork These bedtime conversations with Momo always make me laugh.

Anyhow, just before I kissed her goodnight Momo decided she needed to know just one more thing:

Momo: Mom, what year were you born?

Me: 19_ _

Momo: WHAT! (genuinely shocked) I thought you were born in like..18 something

Me: Gee thanks Momo, that would make me over a 100 years old

Momo: Gosh...sorry, what am I supposed to think mom...I mean, you're like really old

It was at this point that I realized that I really need to get a math tutor for Momo and Mango...'Cause I am SOOOOO not old!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Thousand Words Thursday

Cheaper Than Therapy

This photo cracks me up...

We were in a train (in Japan) going back to my grandma's house after a little mini-vacation to our favorite beach resort. While there, we swim a lot, eat great Japanese cuisine, soak in the warm humid air and sight see around the village. Momo also enjoys a lot of time spent in fantastic Japanese arcade within the hotel.

Anyhow, in the photo Momo is flanked by her Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa and for some reason she has all the luggage on her lap. Great-Grandpa (or Papa, as we call him) is probablly ruminating about the cigarette he wants to smoke, great Grandma (or Grandma Tokyo, as we call her) is happy as always, but it is the expression on her face that is truly "worth a thousand words"!

P.S. It's been a while since I have posted anything, it's not that I don't love you all...I Do...

Rather I have just been SUPER busy! I promise to write something in the next day or so...I have another great Momo "Sex Ed" story to share!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Thousand Words Thursday

Cheaper Than Therapy

I don't like to post pictures without a supporting story to go with it, but I am strapped for time this morning so I am going to share this pic with you then ask you to go read my last post "Mom, They Called Me An Atheist"...please take a minute to read it, and let me know what you think!

Momo, circa 2005 Japan.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Uncle Do You Have A ...

I know I have been blogging about some weird stuff lately i.e. Puccini and Vajayjays, Momo's bloodthirst and the joy I get from publicly humiliating my kids...

So I thought I would share a nice, wholesome story with you.
This story is about how Momo used to ask everyone she met whether they had a penis or a vagina.
Momo: Well, I was wondering...since you made me do that really lame pose and I completely humiliated myself, can I ask you a question?

Prince Charming: Why, of course dear Momo...ask away.

Momo: Well, I was wondering...Cinderella, do you have a penis or a vagina...cause you've got a lot of makeup on, and I'm kind wondering if you are in drag...

Cinderella: Oh my!

Momo: And, um...Prince're prettier than a lot of girls I know so, I'm just curious whatcha got going on down there..?

Prince Charming: Hahahaha, you're quite a funny one Momo! Indeed I am pretty, but alas... I have a penis"

Cinderella: And I have a "puccini"!

Oh...don't get your panties all up in a bunch...Momo, DID NOT ask Cindy and her Prince about their junk...

But back when she was a toddler (about 2 -4 years old) you could bet that she would have.

You see, remember how I said that I thought slang words were often a lot worse than the "real"words for things. Well, I decided very early on that I wanted Momo to use the anatomically correct words for body parts, so that's what I taught her.

Her arm was her arm, her knee was her knee and her vagina was her vagina.

She started off saying these words just to talk about the facts i.e. "I have a vagina, boys have a penis" or "I don't have a penis, I have a vagina"...

It didn't take long however for her to realize that there was a lot of power in these words. After saying them a few times in front of unsuspecting adults (or better yet, her then 13 year old uncle and his friends) Momo learned she could make big people laugh and giggle and squirm and in some cases run!

Believe me, she used this power to it's fullest...finding the most opportune times to ask people about their anatomy. The lovely elderly teachers aid at preschool, people in a checkout line at the store, family friends who happened to stop by and probably most horrifying of all, my brother (the 13 year old uncle).It never failed, he would walk by, or we would pick him up from school or he would come home with a group of friends and Momo would yell you have a penis?

To which he would always reply (good sport that he was)

Yes, Momo...I have a penis.

And honestly folks...that's about as wholesome as it gets around here...

Now-a-days we're talkin' condom tips and wet dreams!

Puccini and Vajayjay

Does anyone else think the word "Puccini" sounds funny?

It sounds funny to me...


It sounds sorta like a "dirty word" to me...

Like "Poonanny" or "Poontang" or "Vajayjay"...

Just imagine the possible uses of the word:

"Get your disguting Puccini away from me"

"I don't want your filthy Puccini"

"Keep your Puccini to yourself"

"Shut up Puccini"

Now that I think about it, have you ever noticed how slang words often sound a lot dirtier than the actual words for which they stand in?

What the heck is that all about?

Oh, and by the way...I'm itching to call someone a "freakin' Puccini"

...maybe I'll try it out on HWMNBN tonight!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Hold On Mom...I'm Going to Kill Someone

My Parents had a little Superbowl shindig today.

Momo, Mango and I showed up at their house, right around half-time.

We had planned to go earlier, but just before we left our house, Momo decided to remember that she had a little bit of homework that she needed to do...

Unfortunately, Momo's "little bit" of homework turned into two and a half hours of me sitting around wondering whether or not I still wanted to make the drive to my parents house, especially since HWMNBN wasn't planning on attending the party with us (none of us are real football fans and he had some things to do around the house).

Anyhow, as soon as Momo was done with her homework we piled into the car and drove the 20 minutes or so, up the coast, to my mom's house. Half time was just about over and my dad was so sad that we had arrived after some 3D commercial that he thought was really great.

He had gotten tons (and I mean stacks) of 3D glasses for the event and he proudly showed me some pictures he had snapped of the party goers all wearing them.

Needless to say, Momo and Mango really wanted to see the commercial (and wear the goofy glasses) so after the game was over my dad informed the kids that he would rewind the DVR so they could watch it.

Mango got his 3D glasses and made a bee-line for the couch but Momo was so caught up in some computer game that she didn't hear my dad calling her over.

I went over to her, tapped her shoulder and said, "Hey Momo, your Baba is putting on the 3D commercial for you, go over and watch it" To which she replied "Ok...Hold on mom, I'm going to kill someone"

Apparently she was successful in her murderous game, and as soon as she made her kill, she picked up Milo and posed for this pic