Friday, March 27, 2009

6th Grade Safari

A while back (Monday, January 19th to be exact) a bloggie friend of mine Coach J wrote a post about her experience with a "One-Upper" (a.k.a someone who always needs to be better, grander etc than everyone else).

The post was really funny but it didn't resonate with me as much then as it does today...I mean, I have met my share of one uppers in my life, but I have never really felt emotionally triggered by it...UNTIL NOW.

You see, Momo is in the 6th grade and you may not be aware of this...

But 6th grade is the natural habitat of the "One-Upper".

Really, it is...I mean, not only can 6th grade be potentially fatal (if not emotionally or socially) it's also a relatively well known fact that "One-Uppers" lurk in hallways, bathrooms & lunch areas of middle schools world wide.

Don't get me wrong... elementary school has some beasts of it's own but Middle School really breeds a whole new animal.

Momo has has spent a lot of time this year learning to navigate the new terrain and, more impoartantly, how to develop a way to categorize the cannibals which inhabit 6th grade.

She has found that they range in fierceness.

Some of the more docile ones partake in a general fluffing of feathers, no real harm done, other than being sure that you (and everyone else) knows that they have the better shoes or the newer bag or the cooler jeans.

On the other end of the spectrum lie the really vicious variety. They seem to take innate pleasure in watching you squirm and writhe in humiliation when you don't measure up. Then there are the ones who seem to be your friend but they have a constant desire to make sure you know that they are better. The "One-Upper's" who spend the night at your hourse only to make comments about how much better their stuff is. The ones who compete with you in every mundane way (i.e. whose sneeze is funner, who feels most tired, who's hair is more brown).

Now, this last variey I mentioned doensn't appear particulary horrible, and at first glance they really aren't that bad. But, I assure you that constant "One-Upping" from those you beleive to be your friends can get on your nerves! get's on my nerves and I only have to hear it (not experience it) from the front seat of the car as I play chauffer.Needless to say, Momo had enough! She spent one too many a night wondering why she could never just have fun and be happy...why EVERYTHING had to be a comptetion.

Anyways, last weekend she went to a sleepover with some "new" friends and when she came home she said that she had "the best time of her life". She talked about all the fun things they did and how there was no fighting or "One-Upping". I think she has finally figured out what she wants in her frinds, and that it does not include constant put downs and invalidation.

To this, I breathed a deep sigh of relief...Relief that Momo seems to be gaining a new awareness of what she will and will not tolerate in relationships AND relief that the 6th grade safari is nearing an end...

But...oh Gawd...what the hell is 7th grade going to be like?!?

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Lick It Like A Lollipop...

Have you heard the song "Candy Shop" by 50 Cent?

Well my 11 year old has... and now she is singing it!

I guess some of the boys in 6th grade have figured out that the song has some (how should I say) SEXUAL OVERTONES in it, and they have decided that the song is their new anthem.

Thankfully Momo has only caught on to the chorus.

Anyways... today, as we were finishing up a "wholesome" afterschool snack she looked me dead in the eye and sang:

"I'll take you to the candy shop, I'll let you lick the lollipop"

I looked back at her, probably with my mouth half open in a frozen state of shock/confusion, then she said:

"Oh my gosh mom...the boys are so gross...they keep singing this song and I just can't get it out of my head. Can you believe it means oral sex...uh...GROSS"

Then she rolls her eyes in disgust, puts her dish in the sink and climbs the stairs while humming the tune of Candy Shop... Now...I am sitting here wondering what I should say/do...

We have talked about music and appropriateness (in regards to sex, violence, cussing etc) in the past, but this seems like something different to me...Partly because Momo has expressed how overly sexualized the 6th grade boys (and many girls) are...

Honestly, even though Momo and I can talk about anything EVEN SEX, I'm a bit stumped with this one because I don't want to get to preachy with her...

Anyhow, I'd love to hear what you all think! Use the comment space to share your ideas!

By the way, if you are not familiar with the have to read some of the lyrics:


I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollypop
Go 'head girl, don't you stop
Keep going 'til you hit the spot (woah)

You can have it your way, how do you want it
You gon' back that thing up or should I push up on it
Temperature rising, okay lets go to the next level
Dance floor jam packed, hot as a teakettle
I'll break it down for you now, baby it's simple
If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho
In the hotel or in the back of the rental
On the beach or in the park, it's whatever you into
Got the magic stick, I'm the love doctor
Have your friends teasin you 'bout how sprung I gotcha
Wanna show me how you work it baby, no problem
Get on top then get to bouncing round like a low rider
I'm a seasons vet when it come to this shit
After you work up a sweat you can play with the stick
I'm tryin to explain baby the best way I can
I melt in your mouth girl, not in your hands (ha ha)

Give it to me baby, nice and slow
Climb on top, ride like you in the rodeo
You ain't never heard a sound like this before
Cause I ain't never put it down like this
Soon as I come through the door she get to pullin on my zipper
It's like it's a race who can get undressed quicker
Isn't it ironic how erotic it is to watch em in thongs
Had me thinking 'bout that ass after I'm gone
I touch the right spot at the right time
Lights on or lights off, she like it from behind
So seductive, you should see the way she wind
Her hips in slow-mo on the floor when we grind
As Long as she ain't stoppin, homie I aint stoppin
Drippin wet with sweat man its on and popping
All my champagne campaign, bottle after bottle its on
And we gon' sip til every bubble in every bottle is gone

Monday, March 16, 2009

Holy Bananas Batman!!


It's been a LOOOOOOONG time since I have had a chance to sit down and write anything! Thanks for the emails from those of you who have been missing me, but no worries, I have just been super busy with work and the fam!

I have some stories to tell...but no time to tell em' just give me a day or so and I will do my best to give you some Momo and Mango flavored hysterics!


Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Like...Gag Me With A 4x4

I grew up in Southern California in the midst of Valley Girl talk. As you may know, "Valley Girls" had their own way of sounding uber cool.

Words like "Totally", "Like...", "Gag Me", "Awesome" and "So..." were combined with other words to create the unique Valley Girl vernacular that I honestly love (and still sometimes use)...phrases like:

"I'm, like... so tired"


"You are like so totally awesome"

and my personal favorite

"Like...gag me with a 4x4!"


Right now...I feel like I have been gagged with a 4x4.

I woke up feeling really "hit by a truck" tired...but I had to go to work, so I got myself ready and went in to teach a couple of classes.

Midway though my first class I knew I was in trouble. My stomach was achey and I had the icky feeling that I might vomit...Ewwwwwww!

Anyhow, kept my composure and I made it through the first class...I knew I had to at least talk to the second class, to get them up to date with all the things they need to do in the next week and I was able to make it most of the way through our class session thanks to an activity that made them do most of the work.

I got home feeling REALLY bad and when Momo came home, she too stated that she had a headache and a stomach ache. She is laying next to me right now... asleep since about 3:00 in the afternoon.

The worst thing about it all is that HWMNBN and Mango feel just fine and they decided they had to make chili dogs for dinner...

And the smell is like so totally killing me!!