I know I have been blogging about some weird stuff lately i.e. Puccini and Vajayjays, Momo's bloodthirst and the joy I get from publicly humiliating my kids...
So I thought I would share a nice, wholesome story with you.
This story is about how Momo used to ask everyone she met whether they had a penis or a vagina.
Momo: Well, I was wondering...since you made me do that really lame pose and I completely humiliated myself, can I ask you a question?
Prince Charming: Why, of course dear Momo...ask away.
Momo: Well, I was wondering...Cinderella, do you have a penis or a vagina...cause you've got a lot of makeup on, and I'm kind wondering if you are in drag...
Cinderella: Oh my!
Momo: And, um...Prince Charming...you're prettier than a lot of girls I know so, I'm just curious whatcha got going on down there..?
Prince Charming: Hahahaha, you're quite a funny one Momo! Indeed I am pretty, but alas... I have a penis"
Cinderella: And I have a "puccini"!
Oh...don't get your panties all up in a bunch...Momo, DID NOT ask Cindy and her Prince about their junk...
But back when she was a toddler (about 2 -4 years old) you could bet that she would have.
You see, remember how I said that I thought slang words were often a lot worse than the "real"words for things. Well, I decided very early on that I wanted Momo to use the anatomically correct words for body parts, so that's what I taught her.
Her arm was her arm, her knee was her knee and her vagina was her vagina.
She started off saying these words just to talk about the facts i.e. "I have a vagina, boys have a penis" or "I don't have a penis, I have a vagina"...
It didn't take long however for her to realize that there was a lot of power in these words. After saying them a few times in front of unsuspecting adults (or better yet, her then 13 year old uncle and his friends) Momo learned she could make big people laugh and giggle and squirm and in some cases run!
Believe me, she used this power to it's fullest...finding the most opportune times to ask people about their anatomy. The lovely elderly teachers aid at preschool, people in a checkout line at the store, family friends who happened to stop by and probably most horrifying of all, my brother (the 13 year old uncle).It never failed, he would walk by, or we would pick him up from school or he would come home with a group of friends and Momo would yell
Uncle...do you have a penis?
To which he would always reply (good sport that he was)
Yes, Momo...I have a penis.
And honestly folks...that's about as wholesome as it gets around here...
Now-a-days we're talkin' condom tips and wet dreams!