Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Fatness

I am fat...

I have gained approximately 45 pounds in the last five and a half years and I am sick of it. I not only hate the way that I look but I also I hate the way that I feel physically and emotionally.

At my wedding, back in the summer of 2003, I looked like this...

And, I felt great. Not only because I was getting married and looked really great in my clothes, but because I felt like I had some control over my world, like things were happening the way I wanted them to...I had respect for myself and I felt it from others.

The most recent picture of me was taken last Sunday, while celebrating my mothers birthday. Just look at the fatness... When I see this, I see how puffy my face looks (maybe slightly due to the prednisone) and I also see how uncomfortable I look, like a sausage that is over stuffed.

Now, there have been periods of time during the past five years when I have gotten back into my old habits of really taking care of myself...exercise, eating right etc when I have looked and felt pretty good. The last time was about 2 years ago at Christmas. I wasn't as thin and fit as I had been at my wedding, but I was taking care of myself and it showed in my body, actions, emotions etc...

Being ill over the last week and a half or so made me realize just how bad things have gotten. My body did not handle this most recent episode of asthma and respiratory infection as well as it has in the past, and I felt REALLY sick. I haven't been hospitalized in a long time, and I felt like it was a possibility this time...

I attribute this to how out of shape I am, and how much I really need to start taking care of myself again...

Anyhow, I woke up on Monday morning and for some reason, I decided that I was going to reclaim my old self, my old ways and my old feeling of power, control and self respect.

It wasn't planned, I don't have any grand scheme or weight loss goal or size pants I want to fit in (well, a single digit would be nice) rather, I am just focusing on me and what I need in my life to feel good...

Yesterday, that was an awesome salad Which I think I am going to make for lunch again today.

Wish me luck...and I'll keep you posted.

Edit: added @ 4:15 pm
My "fatness" picture is my tribute to Thousand Words Thursday. For more info click the link below:
Cheaper Than Therapy


  1. First, that salad looks wonderful!

    I've also had some coming to grips moments lately, too. I've wanted for some time to get rid of some weight, but I've just not been quite able to get myself off dead center. Yesterday, it seemed right, and I began some changes, beginning with eating better. I planned to start exercising today, and drat! Last night, my fibromyalgia flared up big time, and my legs are aching off the scales today. So no exercise till this settles down, but the diet is headed in the right direction, at least.

    Good for you! Good for us!!

  2. My first response was... you're not fat. I'll upload a picture of me and I will show you fatness. Then I thought... gah! Why aren't I doing anything? Every day I say tomorrow I am going to get back to pre-babies normal. Every day I grab a latte or McLoveHandles and say, oops... well, I'll start tomorrow. Interesting that tomorrow never really comes. So good for you for making tomorrow today.

  3. Okay, you are totally not fat. However, as a coach, I respect your desire to feel healthier, both physically and emotionally. If you need a workout plan, let me know. Seriously.

  4. Lynilu- Yes, the salad was divine...maybe I'll post my simple recipe sometime

    Domestic Goddess- I am pretty fat (for me) the picture actually hid my worst areas...And, I am only 10 pounds below my birthgiving weight (Momo is 11 and a half so that is just WRONG)

  5. Coach J- THANK YOU! I would love a little help!

  6. It always works better when it's unplanned. If you just do it, it works. If you just eat healthy and do a lot of moving through out the day without even thinking about it, you'll look in the mirror in 5 months and be all.. "holy shit. i am sexy" Trust me. I do that like every day.

    PS... my word verification is munchit HAHA

  7. Oh me, oh my! I'm sooo happy you left me a comment. Let me tell you, I've been sitting there floating along in the same boat you are in for quite some time. You hit the nail right on the head when you said 'I not only hate the way that I look but I also I hate the way that I feel physically and emotionally.' That is so me and that is why I'm putting my game face on. I need to make this happen, for me.

    I'd be more than happy to partner up with you on a weight loss journey. I'll be here for support anytime you need it. Have questions, ask away. I'll be checking in on you! Four pounds is a great start!


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